re-awakened muslimah

WHAT GOES ON WITHIN bismillahir rahmanir raheem the fluttering heart- a compass, the flighty soul- a dervish. the world, a sea, rising, falling, swallowing. the whirling dervish, builds storms; angers birds; upsets life. the compass,  wavers and struggles. struggles to find a path, a direction, in the endless ocean. fate plays its hand. comes sunshine and calm. the dervish rests. fate looks on and smiles.

BISMILLAH IR RAHMAN IR RAHEEM Life most certainly goes by in a flash. There are memories to cherish, people to miss, moments to revisit and lessons that last for life. The memories, people, moments and lessons make life worth living… a complete package. Nevertheless we find it painful to have lost each one of these. We feel nostalgic and smile wistfully when we remember each of these. We sometimes wish they could have lasted. This realization came to me today and struck me quite hard when I was actually clearing up the photos and videos from my iPhone.  I attached my phone to the laptop and clicked on transfer photos. I chose to remove the photos from my phone’s memory as they were transferred to the laptop. Like a flashback of memories my photos started getting transferred onto the laptop. In a random sequence I began viewing the events from last year till today. My sisters first day in Pakistan last Ramadan to my father’s surgery… the faces filled with fear to the faces sh...

Homecoming… such a joyful time… I went to collect my husband from the airport in the day… there were still few minutes to his landing time… in addition to landing time there is also luggage collection time... altogether I got a good half hour to watch the people arriving from various destinations… most of them coming home… there was relief and happiness and pride and nostalgia in their demeanor… the air was cool, the weather hot and humid… they were all expecting it to be that way… because this was home they had come to and you always know what to expect at home… there are those few changes that catch your eye… new blinds on the lounge windows, new covers on your old but familiar and comfy bed, a new plant in the driveway, new crockery for breakfast, etc…. these travelers who were returning also scanned their surroundings and made mental notes of the new sign at the airport terminal, the cars of news channels waiting for somebody’s arrival, the barriers put up at the cuts in the lan...

Spiritual journey is a term often used for a voyage one embarks upon for religious reasons. As for my personal perception both these terms, spiritual and journey don’t have any context with their literal meanings. Journey is the ability to be easily transferable to a place unimaginable. It is that inconceivable condition of being at two places at the same time.  Spiritual, then, to me is something very close to one’s heart. To me it is that unreachable depth of the heart that is really your soul. Something you carry around unburdened.  It possesses us rather than us possessing it. The spirit has a way of its own and does more for us than our identity. It is much unique and significant than our whole being as it can’t be assessed. Which is why spiritual is a feeling of having the power to let go and become weightless in mind and being. Spiritual journey is, I believe, a state; a transformation from human to supernatural; an emotion. It doesn’t confirm to any rules ...

BISMILLAH IR RAHMAN IR RAHEEM As sincere as my intentions are for everything I do, there sometimes exists a slight degree of pride or selfishness or worldliness inside the deep recesses of my conscience. Just as much as I offer my prayers for my Rabb and as much as I do good for the pleasure of my Rabb, shaytaan manages to adulterate the recipe to the good act by adding some impurity to it.  Anyhow, the point I'm looking to make here is not about whether or not my intentions are always pure. Rather its a serious error in duaa that I recently started making.  Once the realization dawned on me that my actions and intentions were sometimes contradicting one another, I began making duaa to Allah SWT, asking Him to dissolve the difference between my ZAHIR (seen) and BAATIN(unseen/concealed). I actually started begging Him SWT that I earnestly wanted my ZAHIR to be the same as my BAATIN!!  It is all Allah's doing that He SWT first opened my eyes to the fact that no matt...

BISMILLAH IR RAHMAN IR RAHEEM Life takes us by the hand and steers us in so many different directions. Many a times we plan, and an unexpected surprise arrives, the plan is no more. Once we welcome the surprise and completely register it in our senses, life takes a sharp turn and lands us in the middle of another unexpected situation. We fumble, rub our eyes and flail our arms searching for a support to protect us from falling face down. The only support that really sees us through is the level of our eimaan and our belief in Allah swt and His plans.  I found myself getting in and out of strange turns and dangerous bumps a couple of months ago. I found myself feeling surprised, and sometimes amused, every time! Just as much as the reality of that particular situation would hit me hard, so would the fact that "Indeed He is the best of planners". Many months have gone by, yet I'm still wondering what messages or rather what hikmah/wisdom it is that those incidents were ...

BISMILLAHIR RAHMANIRAHEEM! I am very emotional today... unable to speak really! I cannot believe that inshAllah tomorrow I wil leave for Hajj... I remember all those times that Mom watched the Hajj transmission live on national tv... The sounds of Labbaik echoed throughtout our home... Maybe its walls still resonate  these sacred words! Mom performed Hajj twice in her lifetime mashAllah! When she was very young... Very innocent... Spiritually mature! She recognized the depth and essence of the pilgrimage and all it's rites... She found herself performing those rites in her daily life as well! Today, when I am leaving for Hajj, I wonder what is going through my children's minds... I do not have to wonder much however, they are mashAllah vocal with their thoughts and feelings! They know they will miss me... They worry about their breakfast, lunch and dinner:) What they remain unaware of is that one day we all have to live without our loved ones! They depart without prior wa...

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHEEM... I often look at my children when they are fast asleep alhumdulillah! And get mesmerized by their beautiful , innocent faces... Their eyes tight shut in anticipation of dreams taking them to journeys of fairylands and video game adventures... Their breath smooth and consistent... Their bodies curled into the shape of little fetuses! That is when I wonder how difficult it is for a mother to detach her child from her physical self... The connection between a mother and child is never severed... Our hearts beat in unison... We can see the smile in our children's eyes... Feel the sadness in their voice... Catch their contagious excitement! And then one day the Mother goes for Hajj... Allah u Akbar! She prepares for a journey that in turn prepares her for the Final Journey... She works on abandoning the world, shunning all that is evil and covering up for past mistakes... She pleads Allah to be in Mecca but feels her heart being torn into pieces...

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem! I just realized the other day that I dont begin my posts with Allah swt's name! It surprised me that I had missed it all this while! And then to think that He still made each post better than the other for my readers! Alhumdulillah! So now i'll make it a point to begin all posts with Bismillah IA! This post can not probably be considered a proper post. It will not be of the length and detail that a blog post requires to be called a blog post. Yet, I just had to write these few lines that I found very special!  I could not help but thank Allah swt for the beautiful man He has united me with! Little Friend can say the best things without even knowing how special each word is! He told me recently, during a very normal conversation at the dinner table, that I was the answer to his duaas from Allah swt! Imagine how touched I was! There could not be a feeling more special than the one I got at hearing these words! I am an ordinary hu...

Alhumdulillah this year Pakistan is experiencing an early winter... I cannot say much about my city, it's not cold as yet, but the feeling is there! The early morning chill, the fragrance of winter at night, the nostalgia... Oh it's gorgeous already alhumdulillah... I can feel silence in the air... When tea boils in the morning, the aroma settles in the quiet, still air... It lingers on for quite sometime, till we dont shake it out of the curtains and wipe it away with the dust cloth and mop... Till it stays it keeps us feeling cosy... Yahya cannot decide whether it's cold or not... After a shower he feels chilly... Soon after it gets hot... I explain himit's just the weather changing it's mood! SubhanAllah for the wonders of nature and the wonders of Allah swt!!! I still don't feel cold ofcourse (there is no reason to!) but snuggling up with a book is already so much fun!  Colors already seem more vibrant... I'm looking for reasons to add oranges and ...

When in Mecca and Medina, everything seems to be a miracle. A lot of times just thinking loud is also granted as a wish. Even if one is craving for “qahwa”(tea) it will be offered to them quite unexpectedly, right between the lines of Believers assembled for salaah, just seconds before the Imam-i-Haram is about to begin the jamaat… Ya Allah! Certainly Allah swt is aware of what goes on in our minds and hearts. And then the promise of Allah swt to His believers that there isn’t any prayer that goes unanswered in the Holy land! Similarly there are times when the most ordinary creatures, like cats and birds appear to be god-sent because of little unusual things they do. subhanAllah! Such is the might and mystique of the sacred land! It was on my first umra that I encountered the magic and holiness of the Harmain Shareefain… sometimes people seemed to be super human and at other times ordinary birds like pigeons managed to surprise us! While we traveled to the city of our Dear Prophet...

Rain was pouring since morning today… since after fajr to be precise… It was refreshing to feel the cool winds blowing after fajr salaah… The sounds of rain and the sounds of dawn … It was a gorgeous morning, subhanAllah! I stayed up long after my namaz simply to cherish a morning that brought with itself cool winds that wafted through our sitting area filling it with a mossy rainy fragrance… subhanAllah! The day went on with heavy and light spells of rain. The trees were greener than ever before… My plants raised their heads high and danced in the pitter patter of rain… The sky showed different shades of grey at intervals. Sometimes they cleared up a little to show another less grey layer of clouds… Tap water was also delightfully cold all day today thanks to the drop in temperatures outside... Everyone seemed joyous and cheerful, alhumdulillah... I was fasting and did not feel the slightest of hunger and thirst, alhumdulillah! My Little Friend decided on an all-chinese menu for iftaa...

Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) says, "No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage." Hazrat Ali (r)exhorts, "Marry, because marriage is the tradition of Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.)." Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) also said, "Whosoever likes to follow my tradition, then he should know that marriage is from my tradition." Alhamdolillah I have been married for a good seven years now. At the time that I got married I believed my hubby(little friend will be his blog name for that is the literal translation of his name!) and I were "head over heels in love"! I made an effort to please him with my cooking and cleaning skills. Poor as they were I worked on improving them; rising early to manage making the perfect "roti" for him and frying his egg with the bottom crispy , yolk tender yet intact. Once he would leave for work I went about hand-washing his clothes, polishing the floor till it shone a...