BISMILLAH IR RAHMAN IR RAHEEM
As sincere as my intentions are for everything I do, there sometimes exists a slight degree of pride or selfishness or worldliness inside the deep recesses of my conscience. Just as much as I offer my prayers for my Rabb and as much as I do good for the pleasure of my Rabb, shaytaan manages to adulterate the recipe to the good act by adding some impurity to it.
Anyhow, the point I'm looking to make here is not about whether or not my intentions are always pure. Rather its a serious error in duaa that I recently started making.
Once the realization dawned on me that my actions and intentions were sometimes contradicting one another, I began making duaa to Allah SWT, asking Him to dissolve the difference between my ZAHIR (seen) and BAATIN(unseen/concealed). I actually started begging Him SWT that I earnestly wanted my ZAHIR to be the same as my BAATIN!!
It is all Allah's doing that He SWT first opened my eyes to the fact that no matter how intent I was on performing good deeds for the pleasure of Allah SWT, Shaytaan cleverly swayed my conscience and I ended up enjoying the worldly attention too, that I received. The second thing that my Rabb brought my attention to was the error I was continuously making in duaa. I was asking Him swt to merge the difference of my ZAHIR and BAATIN while I knew the horrors that my BAATIN held!! What a foolish duaa it was that I was making! And how clever are the ways of shaytaan! I can imagine him smirking at me as I cried and begged and asked Allah swt to, in other words, turn me inside out!! SubhanAllah!
Every human on the face of earth, whether, Muslim or not, is well aware of his own sicknesses and deficiencies. Everyone knows themselves well and can conduct a reality check for themselves better than anybody! And nobody would want the sickness of their heart to be exposed. Moreover, this is exactly what we fear for Yom al Qiyaamah as well. The fear of having our souls stripped and our limbs calling out our sins!
And, there I was, asking my ever Merciful Rabb to merge my ZAHIR and BAATIN!! Alhumdulillah for His swt's mercies and His mysterious ways through which he led me to this major realization that I should actually be asking Him protection for my soul and my intentions from the evil tricks of Shaytaan!
May Allah SWT bless us all with pure intention and cleanse our souls and make our ZAHIR and BAATIN equally beautiful in this world and the next, ameen!